We saw Dr. Baker today. I am too emotionally drained to write much about the appointment. I will say this is the same guy Wyatt saw in NICU. Both Rus and I thought he was a flake at the time. He listened to Wyatt's history, did an exam. I nearly cried during the exam because I didn't like the way he was looking at Wyatt, like he was inspecting him for defects.

I thought he was going to tell us he saw something, but he said he doesn't think Wyatt has a genetic syndrome. He thinks he suffered from placental insufficiency in the womb. Basically, he wasn't getting enough nutrition. I asked if that was something Wyatt would compensate for and he said no. I asked what that meant. He went on a long metaphor about buildings and foundations. I finally said that I didn't understand what he was telling me. Was he saying Wyatt was going to be mentally retarded?

I got another long metaphor. He basically said that if he continues on his current path of delay there is a good chance he will be labelled as mentally retarded. Even if you account for the prematurity he is behind his adjusted age. He wouldn't put numbers on it or try and predict really. He said he is often wrong. Sometimes children go through big developmental spurts. Sometimes children develop later and are still of normal intelligence. He then explained the spectrum of mental retardation.

I asked him what delay was so concerning. Was it speech? He said yes. I also asked him what Wyatt's adjusted age was. He opened the folder, said basically you take two months off his age so he's about 14 months. I was kind of annoyed he was saying he was behind his adjusted age, when clearly he didn't even know what his adjusted age is. I think it is more like 13.5 months, but whatever.

He still gave us the option to do the CGH test. He said that the chances of finding anything useful to determining what to do about my current pregnancy were very low (1 in 10,000). We decided not to do the CGH test.

I managed to get through the appointment without becoming hysterical. We got Wyatt (and Rus) his seasonal flu shot. Then we went home and I cried for a while. I feel like this is all my fault. My body just doesn't work. I am fearful the same thing is going to happen during this pregnancy.

I am trying not to let my imagination run away with me until I talk to Dr. Walton. I really consider him the final word on the "what went wrong" aspect.

I also can't believe that having a cleft palate and six months of hearing loss wouldn't contribute to a speech delay. On the other hand there are things about Wyatt I have been worried about for some time. He doesn't imitate behaviors or repeat sounds. He might go "da" in response, but that's about it.