Poop County, California

In the past week Wyatt has had viral gastroenteritis, which means he has had diarrhea and vomiting over several days. The first night awoke at 1am and I couldn't get him down again until 4:30. I think in retrospect, part of the problem was me. I didn't want to lay him down. He puked four times. Poor guy. I had to keep waking Rus up to help me. Not that he was sleeping much. It's hard to sleep when you are waiting for the next up-chuck. I eventually went to sleep with Wyatt on the couch. He nearly ended up shoving me off the edge though.

That was Saturday morning. Wyatt slept in until 8am and a short time later the diarrhea started. He generally had one crazy diarrhea diaper a day. Thankfully, I still have those blue disposable pads from the hospital when I had Wyatt. They are great for laying under poopy toddlers.

Tuesday morning I started having sharp cramps and feeling really nauseous. It started just after midnight. I figured I caught Wyatt's bug. I am not surprised since I seem to instinctively put my hand out to catch barf. I can't stop myself. I have tried. (One night I have to admit I forgot to wash my hand and it was a hard decision to make to get out of bed to wash it. I was so tired, but being pregnant I am also very smell adverse.) I called the Kaiser advice nurse and talked to a nurse in L&D. She thought it sounded like I had a stomach bug too.

All I could do was lie around and sleep. Thankfully, Rus took Wyatt out on a couple of excursions because Wyatt does not respect sleeping boundaries of any kind. I hardly ate anything on Tuesday. By that evening I was running a fever. I was out from work Tuesday and Wednesday. By Wednesday the fever had broke and I got my appetite back around 2pm big time.

Wyatt was out of day care all this week. Vanessa told Rus that they had had to send a couple of kids home with the same.

Wyatt's vomiting had stopped for Tuesday night but Wednesday night I gave him some milk. Rus advised against it, but I couldn't help it once Wyatt asked for it and signed it, too. So he threw-up again. Rus took him to Kaiser yesterday and the doctor said it sounds like there is a build-up of phlegm in his lungs, but doesn't sound like pneumonia. The phlegm is probably making him cough and throw-up. We are starting the pulmicort twice a day again and giving him albuterol too. He can't have milk for a while, not even soy milk.

My first thought when I heard mucus and lungs was cystic fibrosis. Then I thought, but I was screened for that. Then I thought well, that was just a screen it isn't definitive. I was close to emailing Dr. Saba, then I said I needed to get a hold of myself.

I am having a very hard time keeping it together later. Patricia's treatments, Jane being sick, anniversary of David's death, getting close to gestational age where things started to go wrong with Wyatt . . . There is a lot to be worried about and I was starting to feel like something must be wrong with Seth. And why wasn't I barfing or havng diarrhea if I had a stomach bug? Maybe I had a bladder infection. Maybe the sharp pains were contractions. What the hell do I know? I didn't go in to labor last time.

I emailed Dr. Walton to ask if I could see him sooner (I have an appointment next Thursday). Then the following day I realized he had told me he was on vacation. The next day I started to feel like I was being a complete asshole.

Today Dr. Walton actually called me. He can tell I am freaking out. He knows my kind. He asked if I wanted to go to L&D. I said no. He asked if I wanted an NST on Monday. I said yes. He said he could meet me there He asked it the baby was moving. Yes. I felt very sheepish. I didn't feel like getting in to a long conversation about me losing it. I really did feel like I was going to lose it. This started before I even got sick.

I am just spiralling out of control with worry about everything and every one. This is just hormones, right? Hormones or not, this is a crazy time. I forgot to mention we told SmallTrans that we are taking Wyatt out after April 1st. Rus will have him at home until I go on leave. However, I do want to see if we can find a new day care for Wyatt. One that will work with his gross motor issues instead of keeping him with a bunch of little babies because he isn't walking consistently yet.

Plus, there is the whole moving thing that isn't going to happen on it's own. I actually looked at pre-qualifying for a home loan with BofA and USAA today. Then I realized I have no fucking idea what points are. Sure, I can look it up. There is just too much to do.

In the mean time my work is suffering. When I am away from Wyatt I get really scared about him. So work is the primary place I freak out. And my boss is talking about trying to get me a promotion when I get back. Ugh! Not that we couldn't use the money, of course, but I don't want more responsibility. I want less!

Lastly, I am starting to have a lot of discomfort in my pelvis. You know that thing where the ligaments stretch and your pelvic girdle starts to separate (or something like that). It mostly bothers me when I sit for a while and then stand up. I am walking ever so slowly. Tylenol helps marginally. Seth is kicking my bladder big time and making me even more uncomfortable.