I hate breastfeeding

Updated July 1st, 2010: I started this post some time ago. I stopped block feeding and my supply came up. Since then Rus and I have pretty much exclusively bottle fed. Although in the last week I have occasionally nursed Seth for a few minutes. I am not sure whether he likes it or not. There is a lot of pulling and flailing, but he does seem interested at first. I will still freely admit that I don't enjoy it and think that the whole "bonding" thing is BS. I particularly love the well-I-don't-have-to-wake-up argument. I mean really, if you can't be bothered to wake up are you really bonding? If the baby is half-asleep are you really bonding? Maybe that changes later though. I will never dispute the health benefits, that's why at 7.5 weeks I am still pumping. My supply has gone down a bit in the past couple of days because I got a little lazy and didn't pump as regularly. Right now my goal is to make it to four months as that is how long I pumped for Wyatt. Two months almost down!

There. I said it. I hate it so much I can't even begin to explain why. Maybe if I hadn't been fed with so much bullshit about bonding and how great it is I wouldn't feel it such a loathesome and tireless chore. Seth latches on and then pulls off and cries sometimes every five seconds and it isn't because he is full. I can then feed him a three ounce bottle afterwards. If he nurses for five minutes that's a miracle. It is getting to the point I dread feeding him. I barely try and nurse him any more.

There were so many missteps. When we were told that he lost 10% of his body weight that seemed like a very big deal and given we have a premature child who weighed 3lb 12oz at birth whose weight was tracked by a home health nurse, we took Seth's weight loss very seriously. We were given bottles and a supplemental nursing system with very little instruction.

Then I saw three LCs who told me I didn't have enough milk or that I was too overextended with a toddler at home and it would be OK to just give up and formula feed. I was told to take More Milk Plus and fenugreek. Then at the next appointment I was told my let down is too fast and I am flooding his mouth. I need to cut my supply DOWN. Stop taking More Milk Plus and Fenugreek. Start block feeding from only one breast in a four hour period. My milk supply has now plummeted. Seth does not appear any happier. I am pumping and Rus and I are both bottle feeding. I think we offered the bottle and pacifier too soon and now he just doesn't want to go back.

The problem with quick let down, besides the gagging, choking and crying is the baby gets too much foremilk, which is high in lactose compared to hindmilk. It makes the baby incredibly gassy.

This just isn't working. It doesn't seem the least bit natural or pleasurable for either of us.