Feeling better

I think that this morning was the first visit we have had with Wyatt where he is mostly pain free. I fed him his bottle which is now 85ML. They plan to have him on 90ML tomorrow. He is a whole lot calmer than he was before the surgery. His feedings are so much smoother now. He doesn't totally poop out at the end. He doesn't stop and catch his breath. I have to wonder if he has been in distress for some time before the surgery. I feel horrible about that, but if all those doctors and nurses couldn't figure it out should I have?

Just goes to prove that there is no such thing as mommy sense. I love him, but I don't exactly have any special insight in to when something is wrong with Wyatt. Maybe if I was around him more and knew him better I would have known. I knew that his breathing sounded bad. I knew something was seriously wrong with him that wasn't explained. Maybe if he didn't have the cleft palate people would have questioned his poor feeding sooner. Maybe if neurology hadn't been called in so soon. Maybe if they wouldn't have focused on my placental pathology so much. There are a lot of maybes. I also think that had Pat been around the week leading up to his surgery, questions might have been raised sooner. It's hard to say.

I just need to focus on the fact that it was caught and that he will be home soon. I just feel so mad that my son was in distress. I look back at the pictures of him now and wonder how none of us saw it.