Wyatt smiled at me yesterday

And it was a real smile, not a gassy smile. He opened his mouth, looked at me, and grinned. He looked so happy to see me. It was absolutely magical. Unfortunately, it also made me feel horribly guilty about him having pneumonia. I was already feeling on the cusp of crying before he smiled at me. I try not to cry when I am around Wyatt so I put him back. I did coo at him first and talk to him, but I put him back.

I told Rus I would step out and wait for him by the elevators. That is the worst thing I have ever done in my life. My son smiled at me and I had to put him back in his crib because I felt overwhelmed by guilt. He smiled at me and I thought I can't protect you from this stuff that they are going to do. I can't protect you from getting sick.

Rus kept telling me it was OK. Wyatt had immediately fallen asleep anyway. But I just had to cry it out anyway. I am exhausted and scared for my son.