One week done

I can't believe I made it through the week. My boss was really cool to me. I basically did very little, but poked around and tried to get myself re-acquainted with my job. The first day back was surreal, the second day was sad because I realized it wasn't a joke. I was actually going back. By Thursday I wanted to cry all day. I am also having PMS. By today things have somewhat stabilized a bit.

I want to quit. And I don't want to quit. I can't imagine being home with my Wyatt all day now that I have had time away. I hate not being home with Wyatt all day. When I get home I can't wait to see him, but I also want to sit on the couch and spaceout after an hour. And I can't exactly ask Rus to continue with him after he has been with him all day.

I feel horrible. I am talking about Wyatt like he is a chore. But there is no downtime. It feels like I am working or taking care of Wyatt and that is it. (Or on the internet obviously!) It's only been a week!

I have already started to defer to Rus, like he knows all about our Wyatt and I know nothing. I just spent the last six months with Wyatt all day! Do you think he is tired? Do you think he is hungry? What should I do?! Etc.

I call Rus during the day to check up on Wyatt and he acts like I am checking up on him. And in a bad way. I really just want to make sure Wyatt is having a good day.

I am sure that in a couple more weeks thing will settle more and I will get over all of this. Right?

It is still so nice to come home to Wyatt. He is always so happy to see me. Today I woke him from his nap. Unintentionally of course. I walked in about five minutes after Rus put him down and as soon as he heard my voice he opened his eyes a crack and smiled at me. It took him a few seconds to officially wake up, but he did and we cuddled. Since he didn't seem to want to go back to sleep, we went for a walk. He fell asleep along the way.